Carta da matriz americana

A cada dia, o português vem se tornando uma língua mais conhecida. Veja por exemplo o e-mail abaixo, enviado diretamente do RH de uma matriz americana, direcionado aos funcionários da sua filial brasileira:

It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our corporate headquarters, that offensive language is commonly used by our Portuguese-speaking staff, and to be precise, by YOU. Such behavior, in addition to violating our policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and colleagues.

Staff will IMMEDIATELY adhere to the following rules:

1 - Words like "caralho", "cacete", "porra" or "puta que o pariu" and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion.

2 - You will not say "cagada" when someone makes a mistake, or "está fazendo cagada" if you see somebody either being reprimanded or making a mistake, or "que cagada" when a major mistake has been made.
All forms derivated from the verb "cagar"
are inappropiate in our environment.

3 - No project manager, section head or administrator, under any circunstances, will be referred to as "filho da puta", "pentelho", "o grande come merda" or "vaca gorda", "vá para a puta que te pariu".

4 - Lack of determination will not be referred to as "falta de culhão" or "coisa de boiola" and neither will persons who lack initiative be referred to as "puto", "corno", "cagão" or "viado"

5 - Unusual or creative ideas from your superiors are not to be referred to as "punhetas mentais".

6 - Do not say "como enche o puto do saco este pentelho" if a person is persistent, when a task is heavy to accomplish remember that you must not say "é foda".
In a similar way, do not use "esse cara está fudido" if a colleague is going through a difficult situation.
Furthermore,you must not say "que foda" when matters become complicated.

7 - When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say "vai pra "merda".
Do not ever substitute 'May I help you?' with "que porra você quer?"
When things get tough, an acceptable expression such as 'We are going through a difficult time' should be used, rather than "estamos fudidos" or "isto aquí está foda", or "puta que o pariu!!!"

8 - No salary increase shall be ever referred to as "aumentinho de merda" ou "merreca do caralho".

9 - Under no circumstances should you call our elderly corporate partners as "velhos pentelhos" or "velhos escrotos".

10 - Last, but not least, after reading this memo please, do not say "vou limpar o cu com esta merda!" Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly.


We hope you will keep these directions in mind.

Thank you.

Brian Parlor Jr.
Employee Department